Life after the Paris Attacks - How it affects our everday life in Bordeaux

Reflections on the Week..

I've been trying to write this post for a few days now but to be honest, I haven't had the energy or the strength.  The attacks of last Friday night have really shaken and shocked me and the rest of France for that matter.  Yes, we live in Bordeaux - around 370 miles away, 5 1/2 hours by car but only 3 hours by fast train.  On one hand, it seems far away but on the other hand, France is small, similar to the size of the State of Texas - so events like these feel close.  Not to mention the severity and the shock of innocent people being killed.

It was 3 am (French time) Saturday morning when I found out about the Paris attacks.  I had gone to bed early, as I had to work an early shift at the airport.  As I do every work morning, I grabbed by phone as I got up and double checked to see if there were any last minute emails with work instructions.  I was surprised to see the facebook messenger icon indicating that I had 15 private messages.  As I clicked on the icon and the messages opened...I could see the first lines of each one...."I hope you and your family are fine", "Hoping you are all well", "Sending prayers and hoping things are okay", "I know you are not in Paris, but thinking of you", "My heart aches for Paris"....they went on and on.  I quickly accessed my French news and was shocked, like everyone else to read the headlines - Paris Attacked...over 100 killed over 250 wounded - several different simultaneous attacks.  I couldn't believe what I was reading.  I felt numb, I was shocked.  I didn't have the time to read too much, I couldn't even read all the messages thoroughly, I had to get dressed,get to the airport for work and at this point, I had about a half an hour.

As I drove to the airport, I still couldn't process it all.  I shifted to work mode - would planes be able to come in?  I had heard that the borders were shut.  I had also heard that there were no outgoing flights.  But as it was early in the crisis - one just has to move through, wait and see.  I arrived at the airport a few minutes early, my clients were still on their way from the ship, so I continued reading what I could and wrote a quick Facebook status update letting friends and family know I was fine.  I essentially worked in automatic mode that morning, still cheerful but numb - assisting our clients with checking in to their flights.  Flights were headed out - to Amsterdam and Paris.  Air France couldn't say what would happen to the overseas flights from Paris, but at this point the flights weren't cancelled.

The one thing that was definitely present that morning was a silence in the airport. Initially, there were no planes arriving and  I think others like myself were all in shock - so were just quiet.  The security presence had already been increased, so instead of seeing our "normal"  (since the Charlie Hebdo attacks last January) 3 armed military guards walking and monitoring the airport - it was increased to 2 teams of 3 each.  Seeing the camouflaged military soldiers with their machine guns walking diligently and focused through the airport makes one feel nervous and protected at the same time.    I know my American clients had some questions and were concerned and we did our best to reassure them.

I was pleased to be able to go home between shifts (6 to 9am).  I knew I wanted to tell my 2 older girls before they saw it on the news or more probably heard it from friends.  I waited until 8am to wake them and then shared the tragedy.  My older daughter's eye's got really big and she said that her friend's parents were in Paris for the weekend attending a concert.  She quickly texted her friend and checked in.  Luckily for them, they were at another concert, but a mere 10 minutes from Bataclan.  As a mother, I breathed a sigh of relief for my daughter's friend - but my heart broke for those families of the the 135 who innocently died.  This was France's 9/11.

I returned to work, again still a bit numbed, checked in more clients and welcomed this week's new clients in.  A few people asked some questions, but the information was still coming in and was still not clear.  So we couldn't answer much.  For the most part we were just doing what we do each week.  Life continues.  I returned home after my shift at 2 pm - had lunch and really just cocooned with my kids.  I didn't want my 14 year old heading into Bordeaux for the afternoon - I just wanted to feel safe.  I was happy to have all of them with me.  My mind flashed back to that day 9/11/01 when my oldest was not even a year old.  I remember being so happy to return from work and just pick her up in my arms and hold her.  This particular afternoon was no different,  we picked a movie and all of us - hung out together in the living room.

I would check the news on the Internet from time to time.  I hadn't explained it to my 8 year old yet.  I really loved that she was innocent and free from all the "bad" in this world.  Just being with her and then watching her and her older sister play barbies was all I needed that afternoon.  The normalcy of childhood activities. Being in the presence of Love and life!

By late afternoon, my oldest wanted to head out and meet a friend in our town - I knew she needed to see her friends and I also knew life goes on. So out she went to catch a bus for the 6 minutes to ride to our town center.  That's the tough part  - life goes on...life needs to go on...but yet it's changed.

Changed - yes. We are presently (6 days after the attack) in a National State of Emergency.  Signs in the tram and on the bus, remind everyone to be vigilant with their comings and goings...Stay alert.  On Monday, there was a National Moment of Silence at noon, All flags were at half mask until yesterday.  School is in session, but all field trips and class trips have been cancelled for 2 weeks - no unnecessary travel.  Security has been tightened.  It's strange this week - everywhere you go - something is different but at the same time, the same.

For example, as you enter a mall, a security guard has you open your bag or purse, each door or entrance to a mall one sees a guard posted.  More police officers are in the streets, military armed guards walking/patrolling in the city center.  Even entering the new Promenade Saint Catherine which has entrances on several street corners, one must show their bag.  I walked into the Chamber of Commerce of Bordeaux today, same thing.  My daughter said when she went into the mayor's office in Pessac, same procedure.  Again, it's reassuring in some sense but makes one more aware and more nervous in another.

This week has definitely been different.  When we started the week with a moment a silence on Monday at noon, it seemed to set the mood for the week.  Quiet, somber, reflective and serious all at the same time. The cloudy rainy weather adds to the sadness.  I was in Cadillac with clients on Monday at noon.  Another guide and myself were going to reflect and take the moment together with our 60 clients at the entrance of the town.  However, the village had planned it's own gathering and openly embraced us to join with them in the moment of reflection and solidarity.  It was a moving and touching speech given by the Deputy Mayor of Cadillac, who spoke sadly how it was our second time in less than a year that we gathered to honor innocent people struck down by those who are angry and radically taking other lives.  She spoke of grief, of sadness and of anger but also spoke of upholding the democratic values of France - Liberty, Equality and brotherhood.  It's those values that have endured through the centuries, it's those values that have built this country and the free world to what it is today and it's those values that will continue to support the people of France in this time of need.  It was a beautiful moment & one that I know both the French townspeople and our American clients won't forget for a long time.  People embraced, cried and the unity of these two cultures was felt.  We were all thanked for joining in their ceremony.

As the normal work week has continued I've been touched and moved by people around me.  People want to talk about it, they want to process it all.  One hears debates in the streets about how to react, how to fight back but at the same time the fear.  I've had several conversations this week with French friends and even strangers discussing the events.  All of these conversations are educated, thoughtful and reflective.  Yes, everyone has opinions, everyone is struggling but there seems to be an overall sensitivity to not generalize about religions, take care of those people in need and at the same time figure out how to react against these terrible terrorist acts.  

So as I sit here, as an American living in France I am moved, touched and shaken by the events of this past week.  But it's events like these that remind us of those deep values that we, in the free world, hold true.  It is those values that give us strength, courage and motivation to keep going, keep living life and keep away the fear.  I am following the various perspectives that I read about these attacks and it's aftermath. People want answers, they want to blame, they was quick results. Reading how people process and focus on what's next is all part of the healing process. I've even been shocked by the reaction of some of my fellow countrymen back in the States.  But again, I have come to learn that by living in Europe - there are many different perspectives on world problems.  Here in Europe, we may be part of the European Union but there are 28 different countries and cultures having unique voices about world problems.  I also live here among many Muslims, many of whom have been born in France and see themselves as French first.  They identify with the people of France and just as there are many different types of Christians, there are  many different kinds of Muslims too.  The People who I live around are just as shocked and outraged as everyone else. 

Just as Americans did after 9/11 - I have no doubt that France will do the same and stand tall together with all it's citizens. Fight back against all that is wrong and all that is dark. Moments like this give us all strength, give us all the reminder of who we are and who we are as a country ( my adopted country in this case).  Yes, I wish events like last Friday night didn't happen, I wish innocent people wouldn't die, but let's use these events to get stronger, and move forward in world humanity and peace.   Events like this also help us to see past stereotypes, see past generalizations and focus on loving each other and embracing both our similarities and our differences.  This gives us strength to keep on living! This also gives us strength to stand with each other and fight back.  Don't give into fear and hate.

So do that for those who innocently gave their lives.  Live, breath, love, accept and embrace all the life has to offer. 

The New Yorker - November 15, 2015 - Daily Cartoon by Benjamin Schwartz

Reflections of a three and a half year expat....How I've adjusted to life in France

Still Adapting to French Life

I was just thinking lately how much my life has changed in the past 3 and half years.  Yesterday, as I was working, I had some people mistake me for being French....it got me thinking - do I really seem French to others?  Have I changed that much?  Do I blend in more?  What happens to us as we live longer and longer in an "adopted" country?

I know I will never be French - and I'm very proud to be an American also.  But I enjoy the fact that people don't stereotype me as just an American.  It's nice to be seen as an individual.  Maybe I seem more French, now that I've lived here longer.  I know I walk slower, my voice is quieter, I think I've also adopted some French gestures that help me blend in more.  I know I'm more easy going, life is just slower here.  My spoken French is better and I'm more confident in joining in conversations, There's a natural ease that wasn't there before.  I find myself even thinking in French sometimes. I would say my fluency in French has happenned mostly in the past year as I started work and also began managing my life on my own.

Three and a half years has also made a difference as I'm more aware of how to get things done...who to contact, what to ask - managing the idiosyncrasies of French bureaucracy.  Yes, there are still surprises in life - I still don't like to talk on the phone too much (this is never a problem in English) - and certain accents are still hard to understand.  Yes, like the US - there are regional accents here in France - Northern, Parisian, Bordealais, Toulousian et Provencals - just to name a few.  Not to mention, there are a large number of Moroccans & Tunisians here in Bordeaux and like myself, speak French with an accent.   It's interesting to really be able to hear the differences, where as before I wasn't as turned in to accents in French.

I've always been able to understand pretty well - but it's beginning to feel more natural.  Now there are just certain phrases that seem easier or more comfortable in French than in English.  Even speaking with the girls, we often speak Franglais - a mix of English & French.  I know this is very common with bilingual families and since we all know both languages it works fine.  Intuitively, the kids know when to speak only English or only French to those who are mono-lingual.  That's works the same for me.  With ease, I can narrate to my clients the history of Bordeaux, describe wine regions and point out geographic phenomenons all in English but then turn to the bus driver and have a conversation in French.   Yes, as the saying goes practice make perfect.  But it's not about being perfect, it's more about being comfortable, feeling more at ease and confident in a foreign country.

It's about starting over, creating a new life in a foreign country, making new friends, and of course managing everyday life in a place where rules are not the same as the ones that I am use to from my home country.  Do we ever feel truly at home?

I'm not sure the answer to that question, but I can share how life has changed here for me and my girls. These are new habits, thoughts or routines I now know that we do differently than we did in the States.  This list is not ongoing and it's really just a quick summation of certain things that stand out for me.  I'm sure everyone has their own list/adjustments.

Life in France....

Everytime I see a friend to greet them I "fait les bises" or give cheek kisses.  One does this to say goodbye too.  This has become so common in my daily routine that I find myself doing it even to American friends or other close friend visitors who might not understand this custom.  I know when I visited the States in May, I found my body want to lean in and "fait les bises" with my college friends.  It's amazing how quickly we adapt on all levels. It's still a custom that baffles me a little, in the sense of when to start doing this with new friends you make.  It's a welcoming and acceptance gesture and more intimate than a handshake.  I usually wait to see what the other new person does, before I lean in.  Watching body language and observing others has really been one of my greatest strengths since living here and has helped me a lot in understanding the French. 

If you call and leave a message - it's likely you will not get a call back - It's much better to interact in person in France.  The French seem to really value and like the personal relationship.  In the day of Internet, emails, texts and phone messages - it still seems more productive to address issues and/or ask questions in person.  Even entering a store in Bordeaux, it's considered polite to say hello and goodbye to the store clerk.  I have grown to enjoy this personal touch. It goes both ways - they will often say bonjour et aurevior to me too.  I've heard that Paris and other cities are different, but I like this personal interaction and to find out it's a more regional habit, gives Bordeaux even more charm!

Most administrative things take a fair amount of paperwork.  If you are filling out an application for things - it's often 2 or 3 pages plus copies of assorted paperwork.  The joke is often that the French love paperwork....and that I have found to be very true!  But as the saying goes, if you can't beat them, join them - so this is just something I have come to accept and not get frustrated by anymore.  In fact, in the rare cases where less is asked for, it's a refreshing surprise!

Here, we eat our meals in courses - often simple, fresh and pretty healthy.  A normal dinner is some kind of entree (entrance course) - tomato salad, soup etc.., then the main dish and then dessert.  (The French love desserts!)  But to be fair, dessert can be just a piece of fruit.  Courses are served separated.  I've changed how we serve dinner and lunch - start with the entree - eat that first, then bring the main dish to the table and finally dessert. Socialization around the table is definitely part of life here!

Surprisingly, we have adjusted quite easily to dinner after 7pm   In France, dinner hour is that time or even later.  It's not unusual that many adults don't eat until 8pm. I, now accept that restaurants don't open until 7 pm. I also expect to be at the restaurant for close to 2 hours for a meal - it's just the way here.  Food and socialization are highly valued. In fact, you rarely see people walking around with plastic coffee cups in their hands here.  If they order something to "go", they go somewhere to sit down to eat or drink it. 

Now eating outside on the terrace is more common than eating inside in the summer.  Using a tray to take items back and forth is just an everyday occurrence for us and others here.  I don't think I ever used a tray in the States.

Gouter or snack time is sacred for kids!  Believe me, my children know when it's 4-5 pm and can't wait to dig into snacks.  Additionally, I have adjusted lunches here - sandwiches are rare and most of the time - lunch is some kind of salad or roasted chicken.  If a sandwich is made, it would be for what the French call a picnic.  

In speaking about time, the 24 hour clock (or military time) took a bit of getting use to. Finally after a few years, I can quickly compute and understand when someone says they are picking up their child at 18h - it's 6pm at night.  and it's now in my language to say that the girls finish school at 16h30.  (4:30pm). 

I now find the metric system easier to understand than the English system. - in measurement and in temperature.  There is something about the fact that freezing is actually 0.  1000 meters (1/2 mile) to an exit is still plenty of time to move over. I still count in English though....they say numbers and counting are one of the last traits that change over from your native language.

We walk more/ride bikes more - & using public transportation is just the norm. Bike riding is normal here and has become something I enjoy doing a lot. I don't think I rode my bike in the States that often and certainly not a part of everyday life. Cars are use to bikes also and are more cautious around riders and there are excellent bike paths throughout the area.  Even little kids ride on sidewalks - they learn early. 

Why would I drive downtown - when there is a tram/bus nearby?  I have readily adjusted to timing the trams/buses - how long will it take to get there by tram or bus, is what I think about first, instead of driving.  I know this part might be the same for anyone who lives in a big city - but for this suburban girl, it's a new way to think.

The independence of teenagers is amazing here.  My 14 year old leaves the house and uses public transportation to hangout with her friends. I rarely drive her around to meet up with others.  It's also not unusual for her and her friends to go to Bordeaux for a day to walk around. Getting to the movie theater is often done independently by tram or bus.  Most of the time,  the kids figure out how to get somewhere on their own.  It's not unusal that my daughter will run her plans by me, but she's already figured out how to get there and back. This reminds me a bit of my childhood where I remember leaving the house on weekends to play outside or be with friends and only returning for meals.

We, like the Bordelais, love being outside in beautiful weather/walking along river/through parks - I especially love taking photos along quai often lots of people enjoying nice weather.  The climate here also pretty sunny year round making it very enticing to enjoy the outdoors.

I'm now use to the fact that stores are not open 24 hours/7days.  It's actually very nice to know that my choices are to be outside, enjoying life instead of being a consumer.  Not to say, I don't enjoy hitting the Sales, but it's more conscious and planned, less impulsive.  Additionally, since France has 2 general sale periods during the year (July & January), I know that I won't necessarily find that "incredible" deal anytime.

Speaking of being conscious to life, I, like other French people, accept the fact that electricity and water prices are higher here than in the States.  Given that, the use of low rate hours (middle of the night or afternoon) are often used by setting timers on the dishwashers or the clothes washer to work during the night.  Only keeping on the lights that one needs is also something I think about now. I also dry most of my laundry on racks like most of my friends and neighbors.  Although, I still love my bath towels to come out of the dryer soft and warm.   All of this is good for the environment too, so I readily and eagerly accept my new habits.

Life changes and routines and habits that we use to have in the States have been adapted here, to this country, to this lifestyle.  Does it feel normal yet?  Does it feel like home?  Both are good questions.  I think anyone who is living in a foreign country always feels like life is different - but isn't that who we are as human beings - People who adapt to our surroundings, people who adjust to new norms.  As we get older and our life changes, we adapt too.

For me there is something invigorating about living here - the  French culture constantly presents new challenges and different ways of doing things. But approaching those ways from my American perspective definitely allows me to choose.  It's for that reason that I know I'm growing as an individual and as a mother.  There is no one way to do things - no one way to think about it - just choices to make .... and a conscious decision to live life and keep moving forward!

Yes, life has gotten a bit easier here and I get less frustrated by some approaches that are typically French - but I'm happy to adopt and embrace others.

I would love to hear from other expats who have lived in a foreign country for more than 2 years - how has life changes since your arrival?

Thanksgiving, The Fall and what I am Thankful for

Time to Reflect - 

 I can't believe it's Thanksgiving already!!  This Fall is just zooming by....I guess the more you enjoy life, the faster the time goes!!  My goal this Fall is to try to get a blog post up at least once a week.  Still working on that but knew I needed to update with what has been happening here.

The post is mostly a photo essay to share the beauty of the Fall - but to also reflect on the spirit of the season.  Would love to see comments on how the Fall has been for so many of you and also what your reflections may be this season.

 I have to say - we have had a GORGEOUS Fall!  I know we have only lived here 3 years - but I don't remember the previous seasons to have so much color  - both in the foliage and even with the skies!  Beautiful reds, oranges, yellows and rich deep pinks and purples in the sunset and sunrises!

 This past month has been sprinkled with working in Bordeaux and in the surrounding wine regions.  I really feel spoiled to be able to not just enjoy the beauty here, but to be able to share it with our clients.  This past Sunday, I did some guide training in the Medoc region and not only enjoyed the stunning architecture of these gorgeous chateaux, but I was also mesmerized by the colors!

 Even back in Bordeaux, the blue sky, the beautiful leaves and the warm weather has been wonderful for one's perspective and outlook.  I feel so grateful to live in a place like this - the beauty constantly reveals itself and the balance of the old with the modern makes it a wonderful place to live!

 The girls have also enjoyed the outdoors this Fall - riding bikes to school, hanging out at outdoor cafes and just having fun together!

 So on this Thanksgiving day - I feel so grateful for my girls, my family and my wonderful friends both near and far!!  I also feel so blessed to have gotten to know so many of you in my virtual community (hopefully someday we will meet in person) - and I can honestly say - so many times your insights, messages, posts and kind words enrich my life in ways I can't even imagine!

It's a wonderful day to reflect on all that we have, all the people  in our lives and the beauty that surrounds all of us!!  So even if you don't celebrate Thanksgiving - know that it's one holiday that just lets us pause, reflect and enjoy our lives with friends and family.

We will be celebrating our Thanksgiving meal on Saturday - sharing our table with Americans and French - looking forward to enjoying a special meal together!!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!